Real Women. Real Stories. Real Bravery.
Happy Monday friends! So glad you are joining us today for our Live Brave series! I am so excited for you to meet Emily.. this girl is beautiful inside & out.. she is wise beyond her years, full of compassion, creativity & has a fabulous sense of style ( isn’t she such a gorgeous bride!!?).
Hello there! I was so honored when Candi asked me to write for this week’s Live Brave series. This year has been the most intense years I have ever had. I experienced almost every transition in the book: new apartment, new city, new name, new job (or lack thereof), new church, new friends, new “roommate”, new norms, and at times what feels like a new identity.
In the past “living brave” has always been focusing more on my goals, pushing through obstacles (or what I thought were obstacles like my social life and rest) to achieve more. But this past year, God radicalized almost everything I knew, except that He is faithful and He always knows what is best.
To back up, my whole life has been concentrated on school. My mom started me on vocab flash cards when I was three years old, so I could start reading early. It only went up from there – summer workbooks to get ahead, honors courses, A’s, perfection. I was a pretty weird kid, preferring to play bank teller or librarian to Cinderella. I was focused, ready to be an adult and have a career. It was cute when I was five, telling everyone I was going to be a doctor and doing my workbooks, but by the time I was in college, it had become an obsession. I didn’t think so though, I was just “focused”. Life would come after I had my career – life like friends, husband, kids, hobbies, rest. But for now, I had to excel and be successful at the top of whatever field I chose. So I worked and worked. My schedule was always full, my resume packed. I was exhausted, said no to too many friends, but always said it would be worth it.
Flash forward to the end of college. I ended up meeting my husband, Nick, right before I graduated. As you can see from above, this was not in the plan. I had to get to grad school first. So I ended up freaking out a bit, informing him of my permanent, “penned in ink” plans for grad school and basically said, if we are going to date and being serious, you have to be on board. Looking back, I can’t believe he stayed. I pushed ahead, GRE test prep courses, hours of studying, applications. Nick was applying for jobs, we got engaged, and I went on multiple grad school interviews around the country. After months of planning and calculating where our jobs/school would land, Nick ended up taking a job in LA and after waiting and waiting, I had one interview in LA. I had one chance for the plan to actually work.
With all the nerves and pressure, let’s just say the interview went less than great. It culminated in an hour and half Uber drive to my brother’s place in LA. I cried and cried, telling the driver my whole life story. In an ironic twist, the driver was a Christian girl, who listened and asked questions, and kept telling me everything was going to fine, maybe God didn’t want me to go there. I sat there in my suit, crying with this stranger, and realized just how hopelessly my life had been centered on this goal. Every hour of my days had been focused for this one thing, for this. I couldn’t believe that not nailing this interview felt like the world was going to end. It was this turning point, things had to change.
Flash forward again. I ended up not getting an offer from LA after that interview (weird) and Nick and I decided our first year of marriage should not be spent long distance. So I cancelled interviews, declined offers, and made career-breaking decisions. I was going to get married, I was going to move to LA with no plans and the potential to never return to academia. And God whispered, “Perfect”.
This year living brave hasn’t been what I always imagined. There is no striving, there is no achieving, there is no frantic pace. It’s painting my nails, making my husband’s lunch, buying flowers, calling and writing my friends, and being a part of my nephew’s life. It’s slow, restful. My inbox is always full and I don’t have pressing deadlines, but it’s the most life I’ve ever had.
One of my dear friends texted me this quote from Donald Miller right after I moved. “When ambitions trump relationships, our stories suffer meaning.” I have chosen relationships this past year, relationship with my husband and my family and my friends and myself. That is meaning.
Emily currently lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband Nick. She is a nanny for her nephew, River, and just received an internship with Della, a socially minded fashion line. When she isn’t trying to find a parking spot or sitting in LA traffic, she is rediscovering rest this year by buying lots of flowers, drinking lots of cappuccinos, and reading.